The absolute best Little Johnnie joke ever!!
Little Johnnie's neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born
without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital,
Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their
house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby
had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything
about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the
smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he
understood completely.
without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital,
Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their
house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby
had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything
about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the
smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he
understood completely.
When Johnnie looked in the crib he said,
'What a beautiful baby'.
The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.'
Johnnie said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute
little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?
''Yes', the mother replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20
vision.
vision.
''That's great', said Little Johnnie,'cuz he'd be fucked if he needed
glasses'
glasses'
******************
MEN VS WOMEN
Her Diary
------------ ------
Dear Diary,
My husband is acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long and I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so, I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk; he agreed but he kept
quiet and seemed kind of absent minded. I asked him what was wrong - he said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love U,too.' When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distan. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is gonna be a disaster.
___________ _________ _________ _
His diary
==========
Today Manchester lost the final match Against Arsenal.
DAMN IT.
Dear Diary,
My husband is acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long and I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so, I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk; he agreed but he kept
quiet and seemed kind of absent minded. I asked him what was wrong - he said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love U,too.' When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distan. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is gonna be a disaster.
___________ _________ _________ _
His diary
==========
Today Manchester lost the final match Against Arsenal.
DAMN IT.
**************************
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with her parents. This being a big event,the
girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go
out and "do it" for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has
never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some
protection.
The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He
tells the boy everything there is to know about
protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the
family pack because he thinks he will be needing it, this being his first
time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's house
and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for
you to meet my parents,
come on in.''
dinner with her parents. This being a big event,the
girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go
out and "do it" for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has
never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some
protection.
The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He
tells the boy everything there is to know about
protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the
family pack because he thinks he will be needing it, this being his first
time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's house
and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for
you to meet my parents,
come on in.''
The boy goes inside and is taken to the
dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers
to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in
prayer, with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no
movement from the boy. Finally,after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
leans over and whispers to her boyfriend,
dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers
to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in
prayer, with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no
movement from the boy. Finally,after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
leans over and whispers to her boyfriend,
"I had no idea you were so religious.''
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist."
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